


"You can't ever be"

by Bikerwolf7980



Series: Mystic Messenger One-shots [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Major depressing stuff, Oops, and feels maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:01:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bikerwolf7980/pseuds/Bikerwolf7980
Summary: Self harm/Depressed reader x 707Trigger warningNo spoilers-It's a little short though.





	"You can't ever be"

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning-  
> No spoilers-  
> Unedited so there may be grammar mistakes or misspelling.

"Not enough. Never enough." Again and again you cried as the cold metal gripped tightly in your hand went smoothly across your skin. Your breath was so torn, roughly inhaling and letting only broken jagged breathes out.  
The tears were all over your cheeks and by now you couldn't help them. No matter how hard you fought for them to stay back. They kept spilling out as if your body couldn't hold anymore. Overflowing you with mixed emotions, the blade back on your skin. The soft sobs seemed like they were the only noise left in your world. Everything just went numb. Numb even when your tears became hot and burned against your cold skin. Numb even when the blade kept digging. It didn't matter what happened to your arm or even you, all you wanted was everythign to stop. The blade seemingly never going as deep as you needed it to, anger controlling you until the tears and pain came back. 

"It doesn't matter." You muttered under your shakey breath. At this point you weren't paying attention to anything. Everything swirled around you in a whirlwind of crashing fear and broken hope. 

 

"Not enough." Where did all of this even come from? Just a few seconds ago you were laughing, and smiling so brightly. Smiling and laughing. For a screen. For someone. Someone who didn't have any control except what he was programmed to do. To say. Someone who wasn't even real. 

Not ever real.

The chat seemed to blur all in one, going by so fast when what really mattered was him. A character from just another game. Although, it never felt like that. It all seemed so realistic. Or maybe you were just hoping it would be that you convinced yourself it was. 

Everyday you'd smile at the chat, at the calls, at whatever glimse of communication. Even a text that only held some words. It didn't matter. Hell, you didn't want it to matter. Maybe it was stupid. Falling for someone who isn't real. Someone who can't hold you when you cry, or see your actual smile. The one that they cause everytime. Because the reality of it all was no matter how hard you try, read some online posts or fanfiction, or see a picture, or even write about it. It doesn't change it. You have to move on. But, how can you? What's so good about accepting it? Going on to a life that's filled with impossible challenges and heartbreaking risks. A life where everything goes wrong. A world filled with bad people, the bad people that get to live instead of those who deserve so much more? A world where no one listens. They just talk. 

You didn't notice your hand go down, almost letting go of the one thing that you had left. The only source of dealing with anything you ever knew. The thing that was there when others weren't. Even if you stopped, the tears never did. Body growing numb, you looked at the straight lines across your skin. Some of the blood didn't stop flowing. And you didn't try to stop it. 

Move on. Easier said than done. Easier than done. You looked up, heart pounding against the shattered fragments of your heart. It battered against your ribcage and the feelings didn't stop. Would it ever? No matter how much it feels like your heart shouldn't be able to beat, it felt like it was bursting over and over. It was never physically damaged. 

 

Reaching for your phone, you scoffed, letting the tears once again bottle up in your eyes. Sobs racking throughout your whole body. It was too much. Before you knew it, your heart stopped and it's like everything got worse. Taking a sharp breath as you started looking around, your breaths were getting faster by the second, not giving you a chance to fully inhale. More like sharp and half breaths as your throat became dry. Mind racing you looked around for anything to help you. You tried screaming but everything was stuck in the bottom of your throat. 

 

The view of your bedroom, lit only by a small light in the corner, became blurry. You tried to breathe but your heart wouldn't let you. Standing up in a panic, rushing the air into your lungs, only to have it burst back out.  
Black dots corning your vision you only cried harder, and suddenly all you wanted to do was sleep. Your breath stopped and you looked around, just above the ground. testing the waters, you let a small breath out. Slowly it subsided and you sat back on your bed, wiping the tears from your eyes, staining your new shirt. 

"I'm sorry." You looked up, furrowed eyebrows as you heard a soft mutter. 

"What for-?" You looked up at the owner of the voice and your eyes softened. 

"I'm so sorry." He cried, repeating himself. It was then you noticed that he had the same teary eyes as you. 

"Why?" You laughed sadly.

"I-I..." Seven stumbled over his words and looked around your room, harshly running his hands in his hair, "I can n-never be there for you." He sobbed, hitting you straight in the heart.

He tried to keep talking but it looked like it was so painful to even take a breath. 

"I know." Was all you said, in the smallest voice you've ever heard.

He took a little step forward, "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." 

"No, It's not!" He panicked, scared to even go anywhere near you, "I.. just want to be there for you." He sounded so broken. You never saw him like this. 

You were both silent.  
He cursed under his breath. He walked closer and sat gingerly next to you, although your attention was now onto the ground. 

"Please." He hispered and you looked up, "D-don't." You fully understood when he looked down at your arms. Your heart dropped and you stayed silent. 

"I know that...I can't be here but..." he hesitated, "God, please."  
The neverous redhead couldn't even get the words out.

"I need you." 

"But-."

"I don't care. I-I'll take all of the weight for you. Just please." 

"You can't." You whispered.

"Then promise me you won't take it alone." He was almost begging. 

"I can't-."

"Promise me." 

You sat there thinking and you blinked, feeling the burning on the edge of your eyes. 

"I'm here." He whispered and you hugged him. But you didn't feel any of the warmth, there was nothing there for you to hug. 

"No, you can't be..." You whispered more to yourself, "You can't ever be."

"I know."

Your eyes opened and you saw the ceiling. Looking around you despratly hoped to see him. Anywhere. 

"No." You let out a breath, "Please no." You closed your eyes, giving up.  
There were no longer tears, your eyes couldn't produce anymore. They were all dried out.

"You can't ever be." You whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here if anyone wants to talk. No matter who you are.  
> One of these days I swear I'll write a good ending.


End file.
